Not Me, Not Now, Not Ever

This particular Chance the Rapper song says it perfectly… so perfectly that the following is going to be redundant. And the reason I need to make it redundant is because unfortunately there are people that still do not get it. Let me explain it again, this time loud, clear, unfiltered and raw.

Fuck you.

Hi, I’m Clement. I am a proud college educated biracial Nigerian-American from Portland, OR. Hi, I’m Clement. I grew up in a pre-dominantly white city. I also attended Catholic schools for my academic career, thanks to my parent’s insistence on me getting a good education and through numerous financial aid opportunities. Hi, I’m Clement. I have been a mentor, tutor, teacher, GIS Technician, blog intern, and customer service representative. Hi I’m Clement. I’ve been playing Scrabble since I was 3 with my father and from that my love of words, linguistics, and etymology was born.

Hi, I’m Clement. I am a kind individual who will go above and beyond, even at my own detriment, to make sure you are good. Hi, I’m Clement. While I am kind, please do not take my kindness for weakness. Hi, I’m Clement. If there is one thing I enjoy, it is when people are good-natured. If there is something I don’t enjoy, it is people are not good-natured. Hi, I’m Clement. My friend group is pre-dominantly white and at times I feel like I am yelling at a wall of people who claim to be “good-natured” but would rather take a seat/be silent than stand on their feet like I have to every day I walk this planet as a black skinned man.

Fu-u-u-u-u-uck you, fuck fuck you.

Hi, I’m Clement and today I experienced a micro-aggression and as a proud college educated biracial Nigerian-American who has taught, mentor and tutored students of color I am livid. And I have every right to be livid.

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I’m not no nice guy / I’m just a good guy.

In response to a Facebook status I wrote this morning, I was messaged in a group thread that there was a word I used improperly. Now this group thread is made of 6 people: 4 of my white friends from high school, another white friend that I didn’t go to high school with but is within our friend group, and my black self. Below is the status in question.

The word that came up in the text was “incumbent.” The person who wrote the text stated, “Clement, I think you wrote the wrong word. You wrote incumbent when you meant/may have meant encumbered.” Weird flex, but ok.

Now, let’s pause. Fu-fu-fu-fu fu, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fuck you.

Seems like an innocuous text to have received, correct? A simple nudge to say, “are you sure this is what you meant?” Generally, yes. However, I don’t mince words. I do my best to be succinct. I am even more meticulous to make sure it is the right word I am using. On top of this: I know what encumbered means and if I meant to use, I would have used. Period. End of story.

I reply saying that:

1. I know what word I used;
2. It was the word I meant to use;
3. If I wanted to use encumbered, I would have but I did not use it.

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Let us pause again. Fu-fu-fu-fu fu, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fuck you.

The word incumbent can be used in two ways. First, and most common, incumbent is used as a noun. An incumbent is someone that is holding a position or a post—generally the noun describes someone in power, i.e. The school had their student body elections and Johnathan, the incumbent, won again. Second, and a bit less common, incumbent is used as an adjective. In this form, incumbent becomes a bit more nuanced as it speaks to what the duty or responsibility someone has, whether in power or a layperson, i.e. It is incumbent on the good-natured people to not be racist. Encumbered means neither of these things. Encumbered means to be weighed down or burdened by something—and it is a verb. Knowing these pieces of information, re-read the status. Armed with this, let’s continue with the micro-aggression in progress.

Press play now. Fu-fu-fu-fu fu, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fuck you.

I reply cordially, in conjunction with saying I know my words, with a screenshot of Merriam Webster’s second definition of incumbent where it can be used as an adjective. I also, because I know I am right, say the exact same thing as I did in the above semantics lesson. I think this is the end of it because I would assume a reasonable person would either:

1. Agree with the ample evidence I gave;
2. Looked up the word to learn for themselves if they still did not believe me;
3. Let it go and move on.

Nah, none of those happened. This situation jumped a few levels and manifested into something else because a white person was telling a black person they were wrong. Why? Why did it or why does it matter so much for the white person to be right—WHEN THE WHITE PERSON IS CLEARLY WRONG? A few reasons why it “matters:” a sense of insecurity, a desire to show superiority, maybe this person needed a “win,” maybe they assumed my friendly demeanor would acquiesce and agree. This situation became a micro-aggression because this white “friend” was trying to tell their black “friend” they are wrong. This comment wasn’t good-natured, it was not well-intended… it was a veiled barb wrapped in curiosity. The reason being: a micro-aggression’s intent is not to be kind, to show concern or interest in making me a better person/speaker. This micro-aggression’s intent is:

1. To let me, a black man, know I’m wrong;
2. To demean me as a black man
3. To devalue my words, thoughts, intellect as a black man
4. To discourage me as a black man from speaking
5. To stifle the confidence and power I have in my voice as a black man

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Speaking of racist, fuck your micro-aggression, I’mma make you fix your words like a typo suggestion.

The thread and comments do not stop there. I get reminded that in business, which is this person’s field of work, that incumbent is usually meant for something in place or in power (which… never mind, if you have read to this far you know why these parentheses is here). I also get an education in what encumbered means and why it would have worked better in my status, but again WHY am I getting this education? If you don’t sit your white ass down and shut your mouth…

A message that was sent before I sent my final note was from another white person in the thread that read (paraphrased), “Guys, shut up. We all know what the word Clement used meant.” (Editor’s note: I refuse to open the thread or engage until I receive an apology from the original micro-aggressor and the person who said the group should “shut up.”) Now that quoted text may read as a genuine attempt to quell the conversation from going further—but it was not and the damage had been done. Not only that, it was the wrong comment to have made after I had aptly, correctly and properly defended myself. It no longer was about a word—it was about pride and about a white person telling a black person they were wrong when they were not.

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Young chosen one, golden boy, De La Hoya / It ain’t too many mes. 

I was not happy with being told I was wrong again or that my word choice was wrong. I was also really irritated that I was, as well as the group, told to “shut up.” My parents do not tell me to “shut up,” so I sure as hell will not let someone else tell me to do that. I respond with a visceral, impassioned, pointed and measured tone:

1. I used the right word;
2. I showed and explained how and why the word I used was correct;
3. I am unsure what the point of telling me I was wrong is trying to prove;
4. That this situation is a micro-aggression and that it is a bad look for this white person to be doing what they are doing;
5. That I don’t understand why this white person is trying to tell me, a black person, that I am wrong when they know I am right; that they need to “get the fuck out of here” with that behavior and to “knock that shit off;”
6. That the person who said “shut up” kindly not do that again when I am defending myself—because they were not defending me

Pat me on the back too hard / And Pat’ll ask for your job

This is what happened to me early today and it STILL has me heated. This is a PSA to my white friends on micro-aggressions and their prevalence IN MY LIFE. I want to thank the person that did this today—thank you immensely for opening my eyes. Thank you for letting me see where you are, or better stated, who you are. As for the others in the thread, sure your silence happens because you don’t check the thread or you have it on Do Not Disturb…but your silence is accord. You not calling it out when it happens or directly after is telling. You have my phone number. You can check in with me whenever. You can not and should not claim to be an ally of people of color because I have a receipt right here that says otherwise.

Again, this is a PSA: I’m not one to fuck with. I may have lulled all of you into a false sense of what you could and could not get away with because I was so amenable in high school or college. Happens when I was the only black person in a lot of social situations in a pre-dominantly white high school and college. Guess what: it’s not high school or college, and Clement does not play any of this anymore. Say something stupid, say a micro-aggression: you’re done. Cancelled. Finished. Deleted. Hell, I cancelled someone because they cheated at golf and got mad at me for calling them out on their indiscretion. So pleaseeeeee try me :).

Remember: this is your PSA. Play time is over. Oh, and one more time:

Fuck you, fu-u-u-u-u-uck, fuck fuck you
Fu-u-u-u-u-uck, fuck fuck you
Fu-u-u-u-u-uck, fuck fuck you
Fu-u-u-u-u-uck, fuck fuck you